


How Something That Isn't There Can Hurt You

by ShamelessHo (EeeGee)



Category: Shameless (TV), Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-25
Updated: 2013-04-25
Packaged: 2017-12-09 11:25:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EeeGee/pseuds/ShamelessHo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ways that Mickey misses Ian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Something That Isn't There Can Hurt You

**Author's Note:**

> Just some drabbles.

Mickey hasn't let himself think about Ian. For a little while Mandy kept reminding him, but he told her. Told that he knows he pussied out, but he's had enough of hearing about it, how he fucked up, that he should have said more, that he should have run after the bus or done _something_. But he didn't. And there's nothing he can do now. So he doesn't think about him. And he just gets by. 

* * *

He comes home one day and hears voices in the living room. Female voices. Foreign. Excited. As he walks by he sees Svetlana has all her "colleagues" round. He has no beef with her - they're both in the same boat because of his asshole father and they've got an amiable marriage - they stay out of each others' way.

But _Christ_ these women are loud and they are obviously having some sort of fuckin' girls' night or some shit because there are bottles everywhere and Dirty Dancing is on the TV screen. 

He's mortified that he knows it's Dirty Dancing, but he _does_ know because it's at the point where the chick is rolling her eyes and saying "I carried a watermelon?!" to herself like she's the biggest dumbass alive. And he knows about this scene because the day he invited Ian to their first (and last) real date, he'd been restocking the fruit at the store and Ian had pointed at him, laughed and said "you carried a watermelon!" because he was carrying a box of goddamn watermelons.

Then Ian had proceeded to explain what he meant, along with the plot of the entire movie and Mickey had _tried_ to tune him out, really he had, but it seemed he was incapable of ignoring anything that Ian said.

And so now he's intimately familiar with the stupid plot and the key lines, and apparently whenever he hears the word "watermelon" it makes his chest ache. 

And he misses Ian.

 

* * *

Collecting on his dues is fun for Mickey. He gets to do a bit of scaring and that makes him feel better.

For some reason, all these shitheads that bought the coke from him in the first place didn't seem to think he'd be back for payment. Just how dumb _are_ people? And of course when they know he's around he only has to appear looking vaguely threatening and that's usually enough.

Today has been fairly successful. Two debts collected and one left. Rick Montaine. Who the hell has a name like that? He sounds like he walked out of a fuckin' 50s musical.

Still, Rick has always been a real momma's boy and the drugs were obviously his way of rebelling, but clearly he hadn't thought it all the way through. When Mickey shows up for his money, Rick goes white as a sheet and looks like he might pass out.

Even Mickey isn't about to punch such a little pussy, but he wants his money and he wants to scare him so he grabs a handful of Rick's shirt roughly and yanks him forwards.

The next thing they both know, Rick's eyes are bugging out of his head and he's pissing his pants from terror.

Mickey hears a voice behind him. "Oh my God, Rick! _Jesus!_ "

Still holding Rick's shirt, Mickey turns towards the voice which came from what he assumes is Rick's sister.

She's glowering at him with undisguised contempt. "Is that what you wanted?" she indicates the wet patch on Rick's jeans. "To humiliate him? It make you feel like a man?"

Hearing that phrase is like hearing a safe word. Mickey releases Rick and pushes him away, his head replaying the last time he heard those words.

He starts to feel physically sick. A stark reminder of what he'd done to try and make things better and knowing he'd only made things worse.

And he misses Ian.

 

* * *

It's the middle of the night and Mickey needs a piss. He notes that Svetlana isn't in bed. He also notes that he isn't concerned that it's almost 3am and she's not here, and wonders whether he should be.

He climbs out of bed and makes his way into the bathroom. Once he's done he wanders back in and notices Colin passed out at the foot of the bed. He didn't see him before.

He shakes his head and gets back into his sleeping bag, pulling the blankets over him.

As he lays trying to get back to sleep, Colin starts softly snoring in his drunken slumber.

With his eyes screwed tightly shut, Mickey can imagine the sounds are the ones Gallagher made  when he fell asleep after they had sex the one night he stayed over. It feels like a little piece of his heart chips away and when he unscrews his eyes a tear rolls onto his pillow. 

And he misses Ian.

 

* * *

His wife is doing laundry. She's surprisingly domesticated. When he walks in to the bedroom she's already sorted through the heap of clothes where he just dumps them when he takes them off and now she's got her whole top half in the closet, throwing items over her shoulder into the room.

When he sees one thing land, a beige hoodie, he feels a burning all over his skin and he practically leaps to snatch it up. An irrational jealousy, almost anger, that she's even had her _hands_ on it.

It's been in the bottom of his wardrobe since the day he took it off. Every so often he takes it out and inspects it. There's one small spot of blood on it that landed as it flew from Ian's mouth after the punch and sometimes he touches it, just to feel.

He doesn't wash it. He keeps it just to remember. And because he knows that somewhere Ian might be wearing the one that he has that is just like it.

And he misses Ian.

 

* * *

Mickey doesn't know how he's ended up at the recruitment station. He knows they're going to take one look at him with his tattooed knuckles and laugh him the fuck out of there before they've even had a chance to look at his ID and do a background check and tell him, "not a chance in hell."

But when he woke up this morning, he heard his dad yelling shit at his brothers _again_ and it made his heart pound so hard he thought he was dying. So he got dressed and started walking and this is where his feet brought him.

Because he misses Ian.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from John Green's "An Abundance of Katherines"


End file.
